I Believe
Tonight I was doing worship at Northe, and we were singing this song called “With All I Am.” It’s chorus has this line “Jesus, I believe in You.” I’ve sung this song many times before, but tonight that line really hit me. Its deeper meaning seemed to scream out to me like never before. Of course I believe in Jesus, but it’s not just like believing in Santa Claus or something. When you tell someone that you believe in them, typically you’re saying that you have faith in their abilities, that you trust that they are going to do what they said that they would, and more importantly even when it looks bleak, you will stand behind them with faith. So tonight while I was singing that song, I began to pray about how I truly do BELIEVE in Jesus. I believe that what He says is true. I believe that He has a wonderful plan for my life, I believe that He loves me. I believe that His ways and thoughts are bigger then my own. I believe that the things that He asks me to do are truly for my best interest. And I believe that even when it hurts and even when I don’t understand, that His plan for me is to prosper my life and it’s all going to be ok. I believe that He is my hope, my comfort, my strength, and my joy. I believe that all I have to do is call on His name and He will help me. I believe that He will never leave me or forsake me. I believe that His promises are true and they endure forever. I believe that the words spoken over my life and my calling are forever. I guess it just comes down to the fact that I believe that Jesus is love, and every action that He takes, every action He asks me to take, all stems from His overwhelming love for me. So even when I don’t understand why He’s asked me to do something or give someone up, I make the choice to believe that He knows what He’s doing. That I only see a small piece of the picture, but He sees the whole canvas. And there is such amazing peace in that fact. There is peace in having something bigger then myself to truly believe in.

UPDATE!!
Wow, it's been a really long time since I've written anything here! I'm pretty sure that no one reads this anymore, but either way I thought it'd be time for an update. Lots of things have changed in my life since my last update, one of the most important things is that I'm going to be an aunt!! That's right, my wonderful sister is pregnant. Well actually she's due in about two months so she's getting very pregnant. She's cute though and I'm soo excited!!! Also there have been lots of changes in my career. In January, Glow decided to do a mass layoff and about 1/3 of the staff was cut, myself included. I ended up getting a job at Power's Dental Group which was nice because it was MUCH closer to my house, however the hours quickly took a toll on me. I may be spoiled, but working till almost 8:00 even a couple times a week was NOT the thing for me. During this time I started seriously praying and searching what God would have me do with my life as far as a career went. I definitely like the idea of being a stay at home mom when my kids are tiny, but what about before and after that precious time?? Well, after much prayer and talking it over with the people most dear to me I decided that I wanted to go back to school to be a teacher. It's something that I've always thought about doing but never really thought was possible. So that's the plan, in August I will officially be a college student! Crazy!! I never took my ACT so I had to do that before applying, and I got the score back today 31 go me!!! Oh, and apparently hiring consultants and doing mass layoffs is a big trend in the dental field because on Friday Powers Dental did the same thing!!! Once again I find myself jobless. However, this time I'm not at all freaking out about it. I have a wonderful peace about it, and some doors have already opened. We will see what happens, but I am fully aware how big God is and that He will take care of me. I've seriously been in awe of how amazing He is lately. Like something different clicked and I'm suddenly struck with the thought of this huge magnificent God taking a genuine and passionate interest in my life. He is so into me that he took the time to plan out my life, and He takes joy in watching me grow. How cool is that? So at this actual moment my life is a bit up in the air, but I have no doubt that it's gonna be so fun come fall. I'm really excited about it. At the beginning of this year, I began praying about 2007 and what it would mean for me. The biggest thing I kept getting was that it was a year of growth....well God certainly wasn't kidding!!

Amazing
The last few months have been pretty much amazing in my life. I've realized more then ever that this God that I serve has an abundance of grace that he is willing to spill out on anyone. All we have to do is ask for it. Within the last few months, my relationship with God has been put back on track. I started going to this wonderful church and a lot of healing took place in my heart. God brought into my life a group of friends that are some of the most amazing people I've ever met (of course Michael is the MOST amazing! ;) ). They have proven to me that people my age can love God, and still be relevant and real. They've shown me that the hypocrisy I had been seeing all over the "body of Christ" doesn't exist everywhere. About a month ago, I found out that my mom was really sick. These friends, who I had known for about a month at this time, were there for me in a big way. Praying with me before her MRI, checking on me after, hanging out and distracting me from all of it, the list goes on. They've made me realize the kind of friends that I want in my life. I feel like I've had some kind of refreshing in my life, areas that were stale are now clean and new. I've discovered who I want to be, what I want to put priority on in my life. I got involved in the youth ministry at my church as well. It's been the most rewarding thing I've done in a really long time. I'm not going to say that I've been perfect, that's not the case at all. I doubted whether God was going to actually use me to help these students because why would he want ME? However, he is a God of grace, and I'm learning that nothing we ever could do will change how much God loves us. If we're willing and pursue Him then He will give us the desires of our hearts. We had a youth retreat and talking to and praying with some of those girls confirmed in me, what I want to do with my life. I've realized more of God's heart, he only wants to love us, and have us return that love. It's incredible when I look back on my life the past year, I feel like a different person today then I was even 3 months ago. My heart was pretty hard toward a lot of things, I had very few friends that I wanted involved in my life, and I wasn't even sure if I really wanted to have God in my life. Now all that has changed, my heart is soft and I'm excited to go to church and see what God's doing next, I have always had amazing, supportive friends and once again God has supplied with the friends that I need, and all of this happened without me even asking for it. So thanks to the God of this universe who had enough love to notice me. I couldn't ask for a better life.

The Best Day
Get ready, what follows is going to be A LOT of gushing about a certain boyfriend I have! Thursday September 14th was our 2 year anniversary. The weeks leading up to this day, Michael kept saying that he wanted to plan what we were going to do that day. No matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried, he wouldn't tell me what we were going to do. Thursday morning finally arrived, Michael came over around 11:45 with roses in hand. I gave him his present, and then we went out to his car. He handed me a card, and upon opening it a debit card with me name on it fell out. He then told me that there was $300 on the card and we were going to spend the day shopping! He knows me so well! It was the best present! We went up to the Outlet mall in Castle Rock where I got a new leather jacket from Wilsons, some dress pants from Guess, a new wallet from Fossil, and two pairs of sunglasses from Pac Sun. Then we went to Papadeaux for a light lunch. After that we went to the Park Meadows Mall where I got a pair of Puma sneakers, a shirt and pajama pants from American Eagle, some lip gloss from Victoria's Secret, and two CD's, (let me interject, the Last Kiss soundtrack is awesome! If you liked the Garden State soundtrack this is a must have!). Once we were done shopping he took me to the Melting Pot for dinner. It's this awesome fondue restaurant in Littleton. It's in this old building, with dim lights, and booths that go up to the ceiling with curtains on either side. Very nice for a private dinner. It was the best day I've had in a long time. He made it all about me and where I wanted to go and what I wanted to buy. I felt very spoiled. I just love him!

Change really can be a good thing
So Wednesday came and I finally got to sit down and have a real heart to heart talk with Alan and Cate. I was so nervous. I'm pretty introverted by nature so any kind of confrontational talks don't sit too well with me. Not that this would be some huge confrontational thing, but it was a big deal to me. So much was riding on them letting me have the job. So I started talking to them and pretty much immediately I could tell that I was going to cry. I'm really not sure why, I mean there was nothing that I was really sad about, maybe too much emotional pressure or something. But it all was going just fine until about half way through it and I just lost it. I started crying and them of course couldn't stop. Totally embarrassing I assure you! But it all worked out in the end because I think it showed them that I was really interested in the position and didn't really want to leave the practice to find something new. To make a long story short they were totally supportive with me changing positions. I have to help them find someone else to do the children's program (we already have a couple interviews set me) and then help train them and then I can go ahead and switch. I'm hoping by the third week of July to be all set in the front. Especially once we find the person to take my spot, the training only really takes about one day. At least that's how long it took me. Of course there's gonna be a lot to learn, but a lot of it is just hands on stuff. And I will be available to help her whenever she needs. I'm so excited! I've even started planning on how I will reorganize the front desk, and how I'll make it my own. I can't wait!! And then I've had the last week off of work because of the fourth of July. It's been a great week really. I even got to go to the zoo with my boy. We did get a little rained out, but that's ok. And tomorrow we are going to go see The Pirates of the Caribbean. I'm actually watching the first one now, to get all in the mood! It should be a good way to end a great week. This is the first time pretty much since I've started working that I'm looking forward to going back...well I'm not dreading going back to work. That's definitely a step if you know me at all. I'm still gonna have to do some kids cleanings, but the sooner I'm back, the sooner I can start working in the front. So I guess that's about it for now. I can honestly say that I'm more at peace in my life right now then I've been in a really long time. There are other opportunities opening up in the area of church and friends too so it's all looking great!

The Saga Continues
So Melissa wasn't at work AGAIN today! Lord have mercy! Anyway, I ran the front again during my down time and officially as of this afternoon Melissa was fired! I feel kind of bad for her, but I'm happy for me potentially. So tomorrow is the big day. Keep your fingers crossed!!! I'll let you know what happens, but at least Alan actually fired her which is a big step!

Still feeling the love...only in a slightly different fashion
Ok, so after about a week of waiting and obsessively checking my phone to see if that office had called me back I got the message. Unfortunately I didn't get the position. They said that it had been a really hard decision, that I have a lot to offer but they had decided to go with a different applicant. They would be keeping my application on file in case anything changed because they really did like me (obviously not enough to hire me but whatever). So yeah that kind of sucks. But to be honest I wasn't as upset as I thought that I was going to be. I expected to break down and cry, to feel totally despondent and feel like there was no hope in the job market. However, after being in shock for a couple of minutes, I realized that I wasn't really all that upset. I mean, I was disappointed for sure, but there was a part of me that was some what relieved that I hadn't gotten it. I guess in the last week, I've come to realize how sad I would have been to leave my current coworkers. Not to mention that my job has some definite perks to it, 6 weeks paid vacation to name one. Not that I'm happy with my position at work, there's no way that I want to continue cleaning kids teeth, but I was feeling ok about the whole thing. Then today, it became extremely aware to me that this new front office girl, Melissa, we hired was getting canned soon. There have been some definite problems with her, and no one really thinks that she fits. Patients have even been complaining. And originally back in April I wanted the front office job. I didn't really push for it, I was way to passive about the whole thing so no one really took me seriously that I wanted it. Anyway, Melissa was sick AGAIN today (second time in the four weeks that she's been working here) and so I ran the front desk. Funny how I can go to work, when I have stiches in my mouth (got wisdom teeth pulled on Thursday), and yet some people can't manage to make it work when they just don't feel right. Anyway, long story short, I ran the front desk today and by the end of the day pretty much everyone was saying that I should be the one filling this position. So I talked to Alan a little bit, and talked to Cate a little bit, and we have a meeting set up for Wednesday to talk about me taking over the front desk. I'm not sure if anything will come of it. They really like me with the kids because the little ones tend to love me. But it's a start. And I would absolutely love it if this all worked out. I could keep my 401k plan, keep getting those bonuses, keep my vacation time, and stay with my friends. It would be so much better then getting a new job at a new office. I didn't really think that it was a possibility but it's looking like it might be. I'm trying to not get too excited because I don't want to get disappointed but...Here's hoping!!